A Salute to Conventional Wisdom.

Some people think a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut, but can anyone who is neither Jan, that cockeyed Polack, nor the overly friendly usher at the Burbank movie theater contest the explosion of flavor in each and every crunchity bite of peanut-buttery Butterfinger?!

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"? Yeah, maybe back in the day when that haircut you're wearing was actually popular. And in Poland. But in the hustle and bustle of the modern world--a.k.a. non-Slavic reality--where those of us who choose to wear the ever popular and always fashionable jerri curl haircut live, the only thing that keeps that Polish doctor away is a fevered kick thrust well into his or her groin.

"Chickens'll come home to roost, you hear? Chickens will come home to roost." It's just one of those expressions my insane next door neighbor in Chicago always used to mutter about my jerri curl haircut. But just like all of the things that contemptible Polish fuckwit used to say, it's complete and utter, 100%, Grade A blood-streaked dogshit! Chickens will never come home to roost if you surround the perimeter of your property with Tyler's Extra Fancy Razor-Wire! It's the Tyler gaurantee.