Proof That I Am Not A Fascist Dictator.

Not me!

1. I have no interest whatsoever in the occult.
2. I did not gain absolute power by pretending to be a communist.
3. I do not have a mustache.
4. While my tolerance for dissidents is low, I am willing to hear all sides of an issue.
5. I do not yell when I give my public addresses. Well, sometimes I do, but only when I am intoxicated, and I feel bad about it later.
6. I am not blindly patriotic, and I’m not afraid to make examples of those who are.
7. My wardrobe is not limited to military fatigues; sometimes when I’m chilling at my palace, I’ll throw on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.
8. I believe in a free press. No one has ever paid a cent for a copy of the Daily Lee Tyler.
9. I cried when I watched Mr. Holland’s Opus. (If you make fun of me for this, my secret police will get you.)
10. I did not shoot the intellectuals; they are all living happily ever after on a heavily guarded island.