Top Ten Signs Your Gym Teacher is Nuts.

10. Calls you by your first name
9. Confuses the whistle around his neck with “the whistle inside his neck”
8. When you complain of leg spasms, he laughs dismissively and quotes Darwin
7. Instead of “Shirts vs. Skins,” “Skins vs. Unstoppable Skinning Machine”
6. When you start climbing the rope, he sets fire to the bottom of you
5. Instead of just standing off to the side holding a ham sandwich, stands off to the side holding an imaginary door open for an imaginary queen
4. Entertains insane delusion that he’s a real teacher
3. Is a straight woman
2. Wears a Hawaiian shirt
1. Instead of making you build a human pyramid, forces you to join his pyramid scheme